You believed them because nobody corrected them. Let's fix that today.

We carry a lot of beliefs about sex that were handed to us without receipts. No research. No context. No follow up questions. Just statements that got repeated so often they started sounding like facts. And because nobody corrected them, we built our entire intimate lives around information that was never accurate in the first place.

Today we're clearing five of them out. These are myths that affect how you experience pleasure, how you communicate with your partner, and how you relate to your own body. They've been in your head long enough.

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And fellas, two of these are specifically about you One of them has been putting unnecessary pressure on you for years and the other has you out here making assumptions about your partner that are costing you both. So stay with me. This one's for everybody.

MYTH 01

"If you didn't orgasm, the sex was bad."

This one has done so much damage. Orgasm is a wonderful part of sex, but it's one part. Connection, sensation, closeness, exploration, and presence all count. When orgasm becomes the only measure of a successful experience, it turns intimacy into a performance with a pass/fail grade. That pressure alone can prevent orgasm from happening. That pressure alone can prevent orgasm from happening. Plenty of people have deeply satisfying intimate experiences without reaching orgasm, and plenty of people orgasm during sex that felt emotionally empty. The finish line isn't the whole race and sometimes the best parts happen in the middle.

MYTH 02

"Men are always ready for sex."

This might be the most damaging myth for men specifically. It tells them that their desire should be constant, their body should always respond on command, and that saying "I'm not in the mood" means something is wrong with them. None of that is true. Men's desire fluctuates based on stress, sleep, hormones, mental health, relationship dynamics, and physical health, relationship dynamics, and physical health, the same factors that affect everyone. When a man isn't in the mood, he's being a human. When his body doesn't respond the way he expects, it could be fatigue, it could be stress, it could be a health concern worth bringing to a provider. It doesn't mean he's broken and it doesn't mean he's lost interest. Give men the same grace to be human that everyone else expects for themselves.

MYTH 03

"Pain during sex is normal and you should just deal with it."

No. Pain during sex is common, but common and normal are two very different words. Up to a third of women report experiencing pain during intercourse, and far too many have been told by partners, friends, and even providers to just relax, use more lubricant, or push through it. Pain is your body communicating. It could be a pelvic floor issue, a hormonal change, an infection, endometriosis, vaginismus, or any number of treatable conditions. I speak from personal experience here. My pelvic floor physical therapy journey started because I stopped accepting pain as something I just had to live with. If sex hurts, talk to your provider. And if your provider dismisses you, find one who won't. You deserve pain free intimacy.

Sweet · Raw · Sticky by Velvet Lenae shares sexual wellness education and body literacy resources for Black women in Atlanta, GA.

MYTH 04

"A high sex drive means something is wrong with you."

This one hits women especially hard, and Black Women even harder. We've been taught that desiring sex frequently means you're "too much," that something must be off, or that it's a character flaw disguised as a health concern. A healthy sex drive exists on a wide spectrum. Some people want intimacy daily. Some want it weekly. Some go through phases. All of it falls within the range of normal. As long as your desire isn't causing distress, disrupting your daily functioning, or leading to behavior that harms your or others, a high sex drive is simply your body knowing what it wants. That's called being touch with yourself. And there's nothing wrong with it.

MYTH 05

"Masturbation ruins your ability to orgasm with a partner."

This one keeps circulating and it's still wrong. Masturbation teaches you what your body responds to. It builds body literacy, increases your understanding of your own arousal patterns, and gives you the language to communicate what you need to a partner. Research consistently shows that people who masturbate regularly tend to have more satisfying partnered experiences because they know what works for them. The idea that self-pleasure "uses up" your ability to orgasm with someone else misunderstands how arousal works entirely. Your body doesn't have a limited supply of orgasms. Solo pleasure and partnered pleasure strengthen each other when both are practiced with intention.

Sweet · Raw · Sticky by Velvet Lenae shares sexual wellness education and body literacy resources for Black women in Atlanta, GA.

The thing about myths is that they only have power when they go unchallenged. The moment you look at one directly and say "where did I even learn that?" the grip loosens. And once you replace it with accurate information, your entire relationship with your body and your intimate life shifts.

If any of these made you pause, good. That pause means something just got updated. And that's exactly what this space is for.

Five down. Plenty more where those came from. Stay tuned.

SRS Velvet Lenae Atlanta GA Sweet Raw Sticky

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