Building a Pleasure Practice Yours

You have been taking care of everyone else. Who has been taking care of you?

I want to tell you about a moment I had recently. I was in my new space, finally settled enough to breathe, and I sat down in my favorite olive green lounge chair with a glass of Cava Champagne out of Spain, music that had nothing to with anybody else's mood, and absolutely nowhere to be be. And I just...stayed there. In my own company. On purpose.

It sounds simple. And it was. I enjoy my own company. Always have. This was one of those moments that just hit different and needed to be embraced.

We talk a lot about self-care. Bubble baths. Spa days. The occasional glass of wine with your girls. And those things are lovely, honestly. But I want to talk about something a little deeper than that. I want to talk about building a relationship with your own pleasure that does not require a special occasion, a partner, or a reason to justify it.

A pleasure practice. Something that's entirely, unapologetically yours.

Here is what I have learned about pleasure: most of us have spent so long prioritizing everyone else's comfort that we genuinely do not know what we like anymore. Or we never learned in the first place. We know how to perform enjoyment. We know how to make other people feel like they did a good job. But knowing what actually lights us up, in our bodies, in our quiet moments, in our intimate lives? That takes practice. Actual, intentional practice.

A pleasure practice is a consistent space you create to check in with your body and your senses and ask the simple but radical question: what do I actually want right now? It is showing up for yourself with the same energy you give everybody else. Presence. Attention. Care.

· · ·

Your body has been carrying you through everything. The least you can do is pay attention to it once in a while. ~ Velvet Lenae

The reason me time gets labeled as selfish is the same reason pleasure gets labeled as indulgent. We were raised in a culture that measured our worth by how much we gave. How available we were. How little we asked for in return. Rest was laziness. Solitude was antisocial. Wanting things for yourself was greedy when there were people around you who needed something.

So we learned to shrink the wanting. We learned to put it at the bottom of the list and call it humility. And then we wondered why we felt so disconnected from ourselves, so far from our own desire, so exhausted in ways that a good night of sleep never quite fixed.

The exhaustion has a name. It is what happens when you spend years pouring out without ever pouring back in.

So what does a pleasure practice actually look like? Honestly, it looks different for everyone, and that is the whole point. It is supposed to be yours. But here is where I would start.

First, get reacquainted with your senses. Just start noticing. What do you like to smell? What textures feel good against your skin? What kind of music makes your body respond before your brain catches up? What foods do you actually savor versus the ones you eat on autopilot? I have started paying attention to material more. How fabric feels against my skin has become a real, live, joyful and sensual experience for me. Weird, right? Or maybe not. Slow down enough to notice and you might be surprised what you have been missing. Your senses are the doorway to your body. Walk through them more often.

Second, protect your alone time like it is a meeting you cannot reschedule. Because it is. An appointment with yourself carries weight. You cannot show up fully for anyone else, in any relationship, in any bedroom, if you are running on empty and completely out of touch with your own inner world.

Third, let yourself be curious without rushing to act on it. You do not have to do anything with the things you discover about yourself right away. Maybe you realize you want to try something new in your intimate life. Maybe you figure out that you have been craving more stillness or more adventure or more honest conversation. Let that sit. Knowing is its own kind of power.

· · ·

Sweet is the tenderness you show yourself when you finally slow down enough to listen. Raw is being honest about how long you have gone without doing it. Sticky is the way it changes everything once you start, because you realize this is what you should have been doing all along.

I am in a season of this right now. New home, new environment, new rhythms. I am loving what pleasure currently looks like in this chapter of my life, and I am not afraid of evolving into wherever it takes me next. Some of what I am discovering is familiar. Some of it is surprising. All of it is mine.

And that is the part I want for you. Not a checklist. Not a twelve-step program for self-care. Just the simple, ongoing practice of coming back to yourself. Asking what you want. Honoring what you hear. Doing it again tomorrow.

Pleasure has been waiting on you. Patient, quiet, right there. All it needed was for you to finally show up. ~ Velvet Lenae

Claiming your me time, your pleasure, your space to just be...that's where everything else begins. Your relationships. Your intimacy. The way you move through the world. All of it gets better when you know yourself well enough to know what you actually need.

Give yourself that. You have earned it and then some.

0 Comments

Previous Post Next Post

Me Time Is Not Selfish: Building a Pleasure Practice That's Just Yours

You have been taking care of everyone else. Who has been taking care of you?

Leave a comment

Archive

Navigate

Learn More

Stay Connected

Contact